Mr. Pansy

I have only one question this Valentine’s Day: Where did all the manliness go??

This rant is about no man-product in particular.  This is a lament about a general absence of manliness here in Paris.  I can’t help myself… I’ve been brainwashed by American hero-worship of manly man-heroes.

In America, we value rugged manliness.  We have cowboys, Daniel Boone, and Paul Bunyan.  We have Rocky, John McClane, and every character that John Wayne ever played.

The French have Louis XIV, the most prominent proponent of the high-heeled shoe for men.  He also wore more feathers than the average Vegas showgirl.

So it comes as no surprise that there seems to be an abnormally high occurrence of pansies on my dating website.  I’ve collected a few of my favorites here for your viewing pleasure.

Let’s check out Mr. Pansy #1:

Judging from this photo, Mr. Pansy #1 enjoys watching America’s Next Top Model and imitating Tyra Banks’ “smizing” techniques in the mirror.  And I don’t even want to know who took this photo for him.

Now look at Mr. Pansy #2:

My only response to this was:

What.

The.

FUCK.

A man who photoshops a provocatively-posed Tinkerbell next to his lips is the kind of man who will only land a date with… well… Tinkerbell, a fictional AND mythical creature.

Mr. Pansy #3 has a special place in my heart.  Mostly because I own both the shirt and necklace that he is wearing.

That shirt does show off his décolletage nicely, doesn’t it?  I know.  That’s exactly why I bought it for myself.  For the record, it also comes in pink.

Now… the pièce de résistance… Mr. Pansy #4:

Note the luminous, green-screen background…

I would also like to point out that I wore that jade necklace when I was sixteen.  So did all my cousins.  My female cousins.

And, most importantly, note the off-the-shoulder pose made famous by women’s lingerie catalogs and, of course, Flashdance.  He seems to think that this pose is some sort of strip-tease tactic that will send the ladies a-swooning into his flabby embrace.

I weep for mankind.  I truly do.

Georgia O’Keeffe obviously didn’t paint flowers as an homage to manliness.  So I find it unsettling how closely these “men” resemble their horticultural namesakes:

It’s so apropos that “pansy” was originally derived from a French word…

3 Comments

Filed under Misters

3 responses to “Mr. Pansy

  1. jackfairfax

    I really thought there would be a special section in this entry about that most glorious sign of virility, the mustache. The french once loved the nose broom, but now fear and loathe them almost as much as they fear and loathe any invading foreign power.

    • You are right, I have not see a single mustache on the adopteunmec site. NOT A ONE! I think that the ‘stache will require a post all by itself. You should send me your notes, and I will conduct my own field research on my end. We’ll meet back here in about a week…

  2. Jennetta

    I am so happy that you wrote that! I lived in France for a year (I’m french-canadian) and there was NO hot guys…seriously. We hear all this bullshit about Paris being romantic and all, but if you’re single, you’ll never find a hot guy! I was really suprised at the amount of pansies! We want manly-man!!!

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