Since these dates are part of a greater social experiment, this seemed like an absolutely brilliant idea.
One problem: I had less than one hour before my date. But it was for the sake of science, so my friend brought out all her beer, I pounded them despite my empty stomach, and then I teetered out the door.
So with Project Drunky well underway, I arrived at the brasserie, only to discover that my date was…
Not only was he pint-sized, but he could not stop talking. And since I couldn’t get a word in edgewise, I had nothing else to do but drink.
And LORD, did I drink.
It wasn’t entirely my fault. I would turn away for just a second, and a full pint would magically appear in the place of my empty glass. The munchkin was trying to ply me with alcohol!
And yet he continued to yammer on… and on… and ON. About everything. About nothing. God, he just would not shut up. During our date, I drank more beer per hour than I ever have since freshman year.
Finally, after two hours, he took a long sip of his drink, and I took advantage of this pause to tell him that I had to leave. So I wobbled out of the brasserie and tried my best to stay upright as I crossed the road. But just as I reached the middle of a major intersection, I came to a shocking — albeit delayed — realization:
At some point during my drunken haze of a date, I had agreed to go on a SECOND date. A second date with a munchkin-motormouth! I distinctly remember stopping in the middle of traffic and using most of my remaining brain cells to process the following thought:
I then used my remaining brain cells to attempt to drunk-dial everyone in my inbox — while still standing in the intersection.
So let’s recap what happens when I drunk-date:
- I agreed to go on a second date with someone who doesn’t stand a chance in hell of getting even to first base with me.
- I nearly caused several car accidents on Boulevard Raspail.
- I drunk-dialed my boss.
Therefore, I must conclude, with absolute scientific certainty, that drunk-dating is NEVER a good idea.
Hopefully Ms. Drunk Date will never resurface again…