Mr. Asian Fetish

In case you haven’t noticed, I am of the Asian persuasion.  And ever since my date with Mr. Love-You-Long-Time, I have received requests to blog about the Asian fetish…

So here’s the thing, folks.  I don’t have anything against the Asian fetish, per se.  I’m even reluctant to call it a “fetish.”  Everyone has a “type” that they prefer, and who am I to judge if a fellow likes the soy sauce?

Frankly, with the dawn of plastic surgery and advanced beauty products, it’s a cutthroat dating market out there.  I will take any advantage that I can get!

That being said, it is still inappropriate to blatantly advertise your ethnicity preferences on a date.  Nobody likes to be labeled like that.

For instance, one commenter pointed out that ordering a drink called “Love You Long Time” while on a date with an Asian girl “is just not done.”  Hell, taking her to a place that has it on the menu in the first place, that really “is just not done!”

Some idiot's dating site profile picture

Since that unfortunate incident, even more of my hapless dates followed his lead and crossed that just-not-done line.

Thanks to them, I have an ongoing list of what NOT to say when you are on a date with an Asianista like myself:

“Hey there, pretty Asian girl.”

  • Word to the wise, this is never a good way to start.

“Wow.  You are super tall for a Vietnamese girl.  Are Vietnamese girls taller than Cambodian girls?  My ex-girlfriend is Cambodian.”

  • He started out badly enough, but then he referenced the ex, as well?  Dumbass.

“I bet you know where all the Asian restaurants are in Paris.”

  • Yeah.  Obviously.  Because I’m Asian, I know ALL of them.  And Uncle Ho was actually my uncle.  So was Mao.

“Sure, that event sounds interesting.  Is it an Asian thing?  I’ll only go if it’s an Asian thing.”

  • I was just… speechless.

“Do you ever go to Asian Night at Mix Club?  I go all the time.”

  • This is NOT the right way to say that you love to get down with the slanty-eyed folk.

“I love to read manga.  You look like an Animé character.”

  • Good. GOD.

“Hey, I see two Asian girls sitting at that table over there.  Do you know them?  Are they your friends?”

  • Again.  I had no words.

“I loved Australia!  There are a lot of Asians there.”

  • Really?  Do I need to explain this one?

“Oh you’re Vietnamese?  We’re going to get along great!  I have heaps of female Korean friends.”

  • The only word I have for this is: STUPID.  This line was so stupid that it makes me stupid when I think about it.

You know… this goes beyond the whole issue of ethnicity.  For example, if you replaced every “Asian” with any other modifier like — gosh, I don’t know — “small-waisted,” these comments would still be inappropriate.

The worst of it is that these lines did not just come from one man-product.

In other words, such poor unfortunate souls have strength in numbers.

Sigh… am getting tired of saying this, but… NEXT!

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60 Comments

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60 responses to “Mr. Asian Fetish

  1. I feel your pain here. As a Hispanic/Black guy from the states, we go thru the same thing! You take your advantages where you can, right? There’s a recent trend in dating black men of late, so it works.

    There are times you get these questions about your ethnicity and heritage that make you want to squirm. It’s okay to be curious, but don’t assume you know anything about me or my background just because you had sex with someone who said their Mexican.

    Everyone needs to understand you’re not an expert on being ethnic just because you’ve slept with them!

    • So true, Single City Guy! Sigh… the woes of having a little ethnic flavor 🙂

      They are much more in-your-face about the probing ethnicity questions here. There are different standards of what is taboo and what isn’t. It’s somehow perfectly acceptable to demand what my “origins” are, right when they meet me. It was unsettling when I arrived over three years ago, and it is still unsettling now. Perhaps parisians feel better when they can categorize me.

  2. HAHAHAA ohmygod, the NERVES. I’m a fellow Asian ( Indonesian ) so i know exactly how you feel. I hate those too. Especially when they say, “I heard Asian girls are freaks in the bed”

    HOW DISRESPECTFUL IS THAT?

    Anyhoo, speaking of preference, I really like latin and mediterranian men but I’m not gonna be blatantly obvious and tell a latin guy how much I love quesadillas, for example. Ugh.

    • Did someone actually say that to you? I hope that you bitch-slapped him!

      Also, for the record, I LOVE quesadillas.

      You have now made me crave them, but finding a good one in Paris is like hunting for a needle in a haystack.

      • Mike Masters

        ah… they are not?

      • Make them yourself!!! in my case, I go to the “foreign products” aisle in the supermarket and treat myself with some “tortillas” (Not exactly the mexican ones but well) then I get a package of gouda cheese and that’s it!! You can make your own salsa’s as well :)) that’s what I do (I’m mexican and need my doze of mexican flavor from time to time :P)

    • taco is an insult in spain

      hear hear

      “Anyhoo, speaking of preference, I really like latin and mediterranian men but I’m not gonna be blatantly obvious and tell a latin guy how much I love quesadillas, for example. Ugh.” you might not want to be even remotely obvious since quesadillas are a mexican thing, not mediterranean at all, so you kind of do the same thing you complain of…hellooooo!!!

  3. “a fellow likes the soy sauce.” – Oh my God – luv it.
    Yes, so true, and sad, that these idiot lines weren’t wrapped up in one package.
    My Latin Boy idiot wanted a back log of all the ethnicities I dated & then quickly mentioned his ex was Italian so we should get along fine. Eh, hem…she’s your “EX,” idiot.

  4. why are you so far away? we need to brunch, lunch, cosmo & just dish! you have such a great sense of humor & i love that I found you!! you make blogging fun. keep up the great work. muah, from Brooklyn.

    • Thanks, Nando! I will be sure to let you know when I’m in the vicinity of Brooklyn for a dishing session… Thanks to rising airfares, I have not set foot in the USA since 2007, but I am finally doing a comeback tour of sorts this spring. Watch out ya’ll, the Situ-Asian is gonna be in town!

  5. “You look like an Animé character” – Priceless!

  6. Ken

    Hilarious.
    Sometimes I wished I was a white guy so it is easier to get a white girl.

  7. Mike Masters

    That was pretty funny, nando told me to stop by and read it.
    I am a 6 ft tall white typical California guy yet I have experienced this.
    While in japan for 7 years, you realize that racism simply equals ignorance.

    I had a Japanese family make hot dogs when I visited (they were made from fish, and not edible)
    People constantly asking, “do you know this foreigner from this random city in America?” (I usually said yes)
    “You must have a big one” (I encouraged this racism as much as possible)
    Being asked, “have you ever been shot?” (they assume everyone has a gun, which might be true)
    “You smell like beef, all Americans smell like beef” (I really hope this isn’t true)
    “You probably can’t enjoy this food as much because foreigners don’t have as sensitive a palate as Japanese” (I think I was more surprised by the use of the word “Palate”)

    • I’m glad that you stopped by!

      I particularly love the line about smelling like beef. I’ve been asked if I eat burgers every day, but I’ve never heard that one before! It’s pretty epic.

      “You must have a big one” — American guys get to be well-endowed, but here, American girls just get to be slutty and/or perpetually drunk floozies who swoon over the French accent. Now that’s just not fair 🙂

      You’re right though, most of this kind of stuff stems from ignorance. I just wish that there were an easy solution…

      • Mike Masters

        A lot of times I felt that way in Japan. Since I loved it there I needed to dissipate this feeling.
        I reframed it with a simple analogy.
        I figured that instead of being the monkey in the zoo that ever body stared at, I would reverse it and they would become the monkeys.
        Which side of the bars you are is only part of perception.
        At least in France you can eventually melt in. In Japan no matter how fluent you are, you are still gaijin .

        So I take it that you are not a drunken floozy that swoons over the french accent?
        I mean, if I am honest I have a big one and I probably do smell like beef.

      • I enjoy a tipple from time to time, but it’s been an eternity since I could claim college as an excuse to get sloppy all the time. I don’t own clothing that is skimpy enough to qualify as a bona fide floozy (my mother would be so proud!), and I don’t really care for the French accent when it’s too strong or exaggerated. It always reminds me of that Warner Bros. skunk cartoon character, Pepé Le Pew, who is very funny but who is also the antithesis of sexy…

        However, I am proud to be a Californian, I love a good bacon cheeseburger, and I love to get my Asian on in Chinatown here when I need to find obscure ingredients. There are some stereotypes that I don’t mind embracing at all!

    • hans teeuwen

      As a dutch guy who grew up in Amsterdam
      The question i get a lot is “How much hookers have you had sex with” or “You probably smoked alot of weed ”

      Yes amsterdam is most famous for its red light district and coffeeshops but it looks like most people think that amsterdam only consists of prostitutes and junkies.

  8. Dear H,

    Thank you for blogging about the Asian Fetishists. I’m half Chinese, and I experienced it so much from the white dudes I dated where I come from in the States that (dare I say it?) it honestly turned me off somewhat from dating white. Even if it wasn’t how they approached me early on, pretty soon into the relationship (i.e. around the 2nd or 3rd date?) I’d hear: “I’ve always loved Asian girls…” And there is almost nothing I hate more than being someone’s trophy (!), so they were let go soon after. As you would say…Next!

    I believe you are right to say who are we to deny anyone a taste of soy sauce — sure, we all have our types. But when an attraction to a type is based mostly on exoticiz/sed stereotypes and trends, something’s definitely wrong.

    I’m also a blogger (sex/dating/relaysh ish) and an American in Europe. Very happy to have found your blog, and hope to connect in the future!

    xo,
    PT Lover
    http://ptlover.tumblr.com

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  10. Celia Zimmerman

    my best friend is Japanese and she always gets weirdos hitting on her. I also am on the more exotic side and get my fair share of weird remarks

  11. 怒った黒人

    Well, I’m a Black guy that likes Asian girls, so in a way I feel the pain. I’m not against any racial “Fetish” (arguably, many Asian girls seem to have a Whiteboy fetish), but I am against girls thinking that since I’m a Black guy, I have to rap and put on an act for them (and no, I don’t expect Asian women to be little “Oriental Dolls” for me either; sharing culture is great, but going on raw stereotypes alone isn’t).

    It always amazed me that Asian girls would go for the White guy that stereotypes them while passing up a Black guy that is indeed physically attracted to them and interested in the culture, but wants to treat them with mutual respect too. Well, to each their own I guess.

    • Ritchie

      Please, don’t assume that ALL Asian women of the world are into these white men. Because obviously, as an Asian woman, I am NOT into no white men. To be bluntly honest, I’m attracted to black men. I just don’t get how some Asians can only like the ideal ‘white man’. Really, they aren’t a least bit attractive. Assume that black men rap or put on a show or what – I could care less, I like rap music anyways, so it wouldn’t make much of a difference. I just don’t like how SOME white people assume that Asians dig them when as -proven evidence- here, I just can’t commit myself to finding them attractive. I can’t deal with people that act like their race is ‘superior’ this and ‘the awesome shit’ that. Really. No race is ‘superior’ in general. Hell, if we all RE-READ our history books (or whatever subject it is) thoroughly, we all evolved from a woman in Africa. So maybe you’re in luck my friend. I’d f*cking go out with you.

      • Mayumi

        Dang…what kind of weirdos have you been hanging around with to turn you into such a bitter hater? I know plenty of white people. None of them have expressed that they think their race is superior. Even if you have met SOME whites who have, why would you extrapolate that to all whites such that you use it as an excuse to find them “not the least bit attractive?” Why don’t you just say they don’t appeal to you without smearing them with the phoney racist charge? Have you never met a black guy who thinks black culture is superior? If you did, would you assume all blacks did and therefore all blacks are unattractive? Sounds to me like you just hate white people, and that’s kind of sad. Maybe you should stop hanging out with bigotted idiots and just find a higher class of people to associate with, regardless of their race. You demean yourself.

  12. kim

    BAHAHAHHAA!
    that was possibly the best post i’ve ever read!! i’m also asian and was cracking up the whole time! thankfully i’m married, but i have to say i’ve heard ALL of these. (except the one about americans smelling like beef.) these sad, sad people are truly EVERYWHERE!

  13. Two points:

    (1) I completely understand what you wrote about, having gone through it several times myself, in romantic, friendship, and professional settings.

    (2) I hate that this type of stuff is still so common and “not a big deal”. Why is it so taboo to denigrate one group of people (African-American people) yet it is sexy, exotic, racy, to denigrate another (Asian-American women)? I’m convinced Asian-American women deal with this more so than men, being “of the weaker race” and all that BS.

    I’m not bitter. Well…

  14. Riv

    A friend showed me your blog and boy…(wish) I can just read and laugh all night long!

    I am an asian and living in Paris too and I see what you mean by silly french men saying stupid things.

    I’ve got a date tell me that he ‘doesn’t like asian pork because they are too oily’ (whatever does asian pork mean?!?!)

  15. Mr. Perverto Onanisto

    Yes this is the one, thank you

  16. Don Kappe

    Sometimes the perfect person for you is that whom you least expected to be.

    Love unexpressed is a crime against the heart.

    Stop looking and just live your life, don’t hang around dumb people. Go to the library. I know it’s antiquated, but you may find someone wating to be found there. And don’t settle for anything when you can have the world at your feet. Good Luck!!! You are beautiful. If only I were 20 years younger.

    Best Regards, Don

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  18. Jenna J

    Thank you so much for posting this.

    As a fellow Asian girl I have to let you know I feel your pain. On a first date a guy told me he’d, “never hit it with an Asian girl before”.

    Siiiiigh.

  19. FLORIDA BEER PONG

    hey girl, you just need to get out of france and come back to the states?

    I mean french guys are just born gay, when you want something for real……….

    hit up the German/Irish guys they know how to treat woman of every race 😉

  20. I loved reading this because I’m on the flip side. I’m a white girl with a thing for Asian guys. I think for me it came out of having lots of Asian friends, and then developing a thing for guys in my friend circle. My boyfriend is Chinese and I love the way he brings his culture into our relationship… though I never told him he looks like an anime character… eeks!

    Maybe these guys need to stop looking for Asian girlfriends and start making friends in general, so they can understand the culture before they make a fool of themselves. :X

    Hope your quest is going better since those days! 😉

    • You go, girl, work it with the Asian guys! Asian guys are pretty under-appreciated, and I’m glad that you’re giving them some well-deserved lovin’ 😉

      My quest has become significantly less focused since I wrote this. These days I just wander around and try to get into trouble. This approach has yielded mixed results, but plenty of hilarity!

  21. FeelsIntimidated

    wow, i never thought an asian chick would have the balls to write this. the ones i know are all “kawaii desu, i can get any guy i’m asian girl, desu desu”
    for a typical plain jane white girl such as myself this is extremely irritating. especially when i found out my boyfriend had/has an asian fetish. so of course it irritates me when the twits i know take advantage of it, of course that could just be my low self esteem talking since i am very insecure and think that if he got the chance he’d drop me on my ass for some skinny stereotype. my point was, thanks for being a ray of hope and not some attention grabbing whore. (waaaay too many of those at my college)

  22. Reality-Check

    OK, The INCREDIBLE hypocrisy from you is abslutely sutnning:

    1. Non-Asian girls can have a thing for Asian guys — that’s just “cute.” But when a white guy has a thing for an asian girl, it’s some sort of weird “fetish??” LOL. You are either really stupid, or just messed up because wow — that’s creepy that you feel you have the power to dehumanize all white men in the world when they might have interest in asia, but, when a non-asian girl has a thing for asian guys… AWWWWW, that’s just so CUTE!!! LOL. That’s fucked up.

    2. So…..You can treat men like we are a fucking product on a shelf and it’s OK? LOL, you creep. Not so. I am not a product that you dehumanize and make into your prey. Do you not think that I will feel just as creeped out by the name of your blog (you are so creepy! LOL) when you treat me like a product? Wow you’re dense!!! Since when do I want to be your fucking creepy Occidental product that you go out “shopping” for you creepy hypocrite?! LOL.. but here’s the best part: You’re so fucking stupid, you even named your blog “manshopping?”

    OH. But….wait for it. Here is the absolute greatest: and then you are lecturing me….. _ME_ …… about having simple interest in Asian women?

    LMAO. Are you really that dense?

    I think I need to throw up…

    3. And here’s the most disgusting thing about Asian women like you who run around and lecture white men (or any one non-asian) about dating asian women. YOU ARE NOT EVEN VERY ATTRACTIVE!! LOL. What you need to do is this: before you go to bed tonight go take a couple I-am-not-AT-ALL-as-hot-as-I-think-I-am pills, get a good night’s sleep, wake up tomorrow, and maybe you will be able to move beyond this absolutely offensive and creepy objectification of white men. I get so tired of non-attractive asian women demanding that I NOT have a fetish for you. Here’s a little tip — I am not attracted to unattractive women.

    4. Which leads me to my next point: YOU HAVE A WHITE FETISH. It’s so amazingly clear. But what is that? OHHHHHH. It’s OK for you to have have a fucked up weird creepy fetish for ME that you actually (I still can’t believe how fucked up this is) have a blog named “Man-shopping” … and then-LOL- you turn around and lecture — no, you patronize and condescend me, ASSUMING that you are attractive at all to me — with your tirade about all these non-asian guys that probably just have interest in asian things.

    5. In the end, we ALL know the truth. The ones with the biggest asian fetish are ASIANS!! YOU are all in love with yourselves, cuz guess what miss average-looking. I AINT GOT ANY FETISH FOR YOU; I AM NOT OBSESSED WITH YOU; AND I NEVER WILL BE. What is so fucking hilarious, is that you asians are so obsessed with yourselves, that you inscribe that fetish on to ME.

    UM…. NO. Sorry, you wierd, creepy asian woman.

    I AM NOT OBSESSED WITH, NOR DO I HAVE ANY FETISH FOR YOU. And yes — I have lived in Asia, and dated lots of great asian women. Guess what: I would NEVER be attracted to you, nor would I ever date you.

    Hey, so that’s great huh? You don’t have to worry about me having a fetish for you, huh you weirdo?

    And to close, um, sorry, no. I was not recently dumped by an asian woman. I am a very successful advertising exec and (Im sure this will come as a surprise too) I do not date only asian women. I date women who I am attracted to, and sometimes they are asian.

    You asians do us all a favor and work on dismantling that creepy self-fetish you have that you then inscribe on the rest of the world.

    The only fetish out there for asians is, unfortunately, the fetish you have for yourselves.

    And sorry, but that is incredibly creepy.

    • HA HA HA ! I am actually speechless. Not sure at what point I alleged the non-asian girl’s relationship with the asian man, but kudos to you for being so… passionate… about something. You have the honor of the person who has left, by far, the longest comment in the history of my blog. Congratulations! “LOL”

      I imagine that you will not be returning to my blog in the near future, unless you enjoy reading things that make you so angry. I am perfectly okay with that. Bonne continuation, sir.

      All the best,
      Creepy McCreep Man-shopper Creepster

  23. guman

    i live in japan for a several years…..18 years i guess…and th states for a couple….in shangai for a year….and i say….japan great country but the japanese people are like a bunch of puritans (except in tokyo)….
    i love 1991 in japan that year was the best…..
    sorry for my english shigotto ikimasu….ia ne!!!!

  24. I am in the ad biz also and suggest that the “man shopping” handle is meant to be clever and provocative. It is not a put down or positioning dudes like products. It is F-U-N. Remember that?
    And, face it, a lot of guys have a thing for Asian women. And why not? Having dated lovely ladies of all race, creeds, and colors, I have found wonderful characteristics in most of these women(otherwise why bother?) regardless of where they are from, etc.. And, having paid attention(important, guys), it seems that the vast majority of the Asian women I know–at least in the circles I run in–are elegant, intelligent, have beautiful skin, are great family people, faithful, trustworthy, strong-minded, knowledgable about what to eat and what not to eat, great cooks, fun-loving, clean, feminine, in great shape, crazy and unpredictable in a wonderful way, and sexy as hell. Yeah, I guess there is something wrong with me.

  25. cambeul41

    I stumbled on this blog while thinking about how to explain “yellow fever” to my sister. My family moved to Japan in 1955 when I was 13. At the time, there was a saying, “You can take the American out of Japan, but you can’t take Japan out of the American.” I found that to be true.

    I sometimes think of my formerly-Japanese wife and I as both being psychological Amer-Asians. We share values, tastes, and beliefs. Some times it seems as though we are twins.

    On a visit to her parents in Japan a couple of years ago, she was a little surprised that even after 50 years away, I was still perfectly comfortable there. If I have any stereotypes about Asians or Asian women, I don’t know what they are. I have nothing against women of other races, and I don’t believe I stereotype them either, but am comfortable sharing my life with the woman I have.

    Do I have “yellow fever”? I would say so. It is part of the description of she with whom I am comfortable.

    • Thank you so much for leaving this comment. There is something very comforting and respectful about the way you are thinking about the “yellow fever”. And your conclusion is almost poetic.

      I only hope that more people think like you!

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  27. Brokenup

    Some of this stuff cracked me up, and some people take this wayyyyy too seriously! Good work girl, the Asian fetish is creepy sometimes, especially when it comes to the point that other women are disregarded. And this is coming from a Korean woman.

    • People really do take this too seriously! The world would be a better place if more people could just lighten up and have a laugh. That was my original intent with this post, anyway…

  28. Ritchie

    AHHAAHAHAHAHAHA… lol I gotta say, this ‘reality-check’ guy is pretty damn hilarious. What’s even more hilarious is the fact that he comments on being this ‘really successful advertising executive’ yet he’s here screaming out nothing more than ‘OOOHS’ ‘AAAHS’ and ‘LOLS’. Honestly, I can barely understand a single word he’s even saying. I’m Asian myself, and even I speak better English than that. Sad..

    But yeah, apart from your comment on the whole ‘Asian fetish’ thing, honestly living in the US for 19 years now, I have not come across a single person (non-Asian) that adopts this obsession. So I was a bit confused where you got this idea from. I think what you kind of mean are those idiots that are obsessed with the Japanese culture in general? THOSE people are f*cking queers my friend.

    I particularly know this one white chic (please don’t take this offensively my fellow whites) that has this HUGE misunderstanding of ‘Japanese transformation’. And she does the ‘typcial’ – speaks in broken-ass English, apparently knows -more- Japanese than English, does the whole ‘cutesy’ act, and does that scary ass face where her eyes bulge out. Wherever she gets these ideas from, obviously you know this girl is living in a -whole, nother world-. I mean really, I don’t mean to take this offensively, it just kind of pisses me off I guess. I just find people like that.. it’s just something I can’t get. Reason being is – how can you possibly go and ‘try’ to be a ‘certain group’ especially when the -whole- doesn’t act like that in general? It just confuses me. I find illogical people confusing.

    But yeah, I’m going off-topic here. And god, my post is sooo damn long lol. Sorry about this. So yeah, I guess I really couldn’t get your whole ‘Asian fetish’ thing, possibly because I’m from a society where there are few Asians. Rather, people here KNOW about Asians, but they’re the exact OPPOSITE of what I’m hearing here. They’re a bit more openly racist and yes, I’ve had bad experiences with many. You’re talking about people that walk by slitting their eyes at me, randomly yelling ching-chong-chang-chi-wa? Honestly where do they get this language from? LMFAO. But this is the past. I’m over with having to deal with effing jerkasses now. But otherwise, people CAN be stupidly racist towards us other Asian ethnicities. I just think you come from a society where you don’t see it happening. Personally, I can’t recall those days in middle and high school when random kids I don’t even know asked me if I was Japanese, if not “oh okay nevermind”. I think the whole thing is – they just want to get involved with you if you’re Jap or whatev. And again, this may not happen to EVERY Asian chic here, but it did, happen to me.

  29. Charlie

    I think Reality-Check has some valid points about the double standard, but one should not make the case ad hominem. She’s doing a nice job bringing cultural differences/preferences to light. Why be so mean to her? Better off pointing out her how her position may seem inconsistent to some. That’s all. Blogs are a learning experience for everyone, and she deserves a bit more respect. What’s that saying; “one can catch more flies with a teaspoon of honey than a cask of vinegar?”

    I don’t know how I came across this blog. I’m from Washington DC and I am in Beijing right now with my wife and two sons visiting her parents. I love it here. I have been attracted to Asian woman (and nothing else) for 15 years now. So much so I married one. I see being attracted to Asian woman the same as someone prefering a redhead or a taller lady or a girl from Toledo. There is no shame there…just shame in painting all members of any given ethnicity with the same brush. And I am glad I stumbled across this blog because it reminded me that pre-juding anyone can be offensive; certainly not the way to make an impression. The person who made the quesadilla comment summit it up best. That made me burst out laughing.

  30. cambeul41

    Some people take this light-hearted blog all too seriously. Maybe I am one of them. My mother’s only dating advice was that I should never date anyone who was for any reason would be unacceptable as a spouse – then refused to elaborate. In any case, I never did. I did not date a great deal, but when I did, I think I always had the question in the back of my mind, “Is this the one?”

    What are we?

    I was, I think, once a nearly normal mid-western American boy, but I can almost name the day when my predilection for Asian femininity was turned on — somewhere in the vicinity of 15 July 1955. My family was living in an old-fashioned Japanese house (tatami, paper doors, no electricity, stinky open-pit benjo) in a suburb of Sendai, Japan. It was Bon-Odori time A bevy of local girls came to the house to drag me to where the dance was being held and tried to teach me to dance. Nothing came of it because my father was shortly thereafter transferred to Tokyo where we again lived in a Japanese house. This time with electricity, hot running water, and a flush toilet! In any case, it was probably in that time-frame that I stopped seeing the world with purely American eyes. When I am surrounded by Asians, being unable to see myself, I do not see myself as different.

    I often refer to my wife as “formerly Japanese.” She was born in Japan, but her first three and a half years of school were in Belgium in French. When she returned to Japan, she no longer saw the world through purely Japanese eyes. I think, when surrounded by “westerners,” she too does not see herself as different.

    We are both “Third Culture Kids” (TCKs) or “Trans-Cultural Kids.” We are more similar than different, and I reject the assumption that we are necessarily of different ethnicities. Sometimes I say that I have no ethnicity. Sometimes I say that I have my own ethnicity – do you want to join?

    When someone asks her what she is, the answer is “American.”

    “No, that’s not what I meant.”

    “I know what you meant, but what you meant is not what you asked.”

    If someone asks me if my wife is Asian, or if she is Japanese, I am briefly at a loss for an answer. What is the truth? I often say, “She was born Japanese, but is American now.” That is more information than is sought, but the minimum that I consider to be truthful.

    Date “your own kind;” marry “your own kind” — but defining “your own kind” can involve factors other than race, religion, nationality . . . .

  31. Code Monkey

    I must say I found this blog very interesting. I think the problem is too many people look at a person man or woman and immediately start to make judgements whether they be good or bad. As mentioned in this blog there are stereo types about all of us that can hurt us or we can use to our benefit, but how much better would the world be if we actually got to know people instead of making assumptions about them simply based on ethnic, national, or religious background.

    When I was a child some of my family was racist and some was not. Fortunately my parents were not racist and did not raise me to be so. I remember the first time when I was a child that I actually even considered the concept us race. One of my family was complaining about my parents letting me play with a black boy from a family that was friends with my parents, as I child I wanted to feel like I did nothing wrong (and I didn’t nor did my parents) so I stated “I don’t have any black friends” then my parents named some people I knew, and I thought about it, and made the connection. Not that it changed anything other than I became more observant of the differences in people. Racism is a learned behavior. However, I will say if one person is going to try and use race to their advantage, another person will react by trying to turn race into a disadvantage. Its competitive nature unfortunately. Sorry if this post seaming to lack coherent thought or is filled with type-os its 4:11 AM and I can’t sleep. Oh, and I am a white guy and I like talking to Asian women online… not because I have a fetish but mainly because they are awake half way across the world when I can’t sleep at night… I guess if I was in Asia and couldn’t sleep and all the locals were a sleep I would talk to people from home :p

  32. I feel ya. Some guys are what I call “racial-retarded.” They don’t know what buttons about race not to press, so they do the ‘man-logical’ thing and press all of them. 😛 It took my gf and I about 4 months of dating before we even thought about “oh yeah, I guess we are in a interracial relationship.” (She’s Khmer and I’m enough French-Canadian to cancel out my Native American lol.) I guess some guys aren’t fortunate enough to be able to forget about race for a minute.
    Anywho, I hope these guys you’ve met will learn from their mistakes and quit making men look like race-tarded lunchbox children. 😛 I swear, my girlfriends friends automatically expected me to be some yellow-fever having, anime girl watching, “Oh she’s Asian, do you know her?” saying, herp-derp racial fetish type cracker. x] I always love surprising them with common courtesy and social discourse. (apparently most honkeys ‘do not has.’)
    Well, the word is out. Guys of the world need to quit being race-tarded. There are a lot of beautiful people out there, inside and out, and those guys need to wake up and realize race is just our outer shell. Beauty is born in the heart; not in the skin. 🙂

  33. Pingback: Mr. Geisha Fantasy | Man-shopping in Paris

  34. After reading your blog, I love it. Not only the ideal design, but also the valuable written content that benefit me a lot. Very good Job!

  35. Oh no, I can’t believe he said you look like an Animé character. That is just amazing. I really like your blog, and if I had it my way I would have soy sauce on everything 😉

  36. rzrjlzpvnv yywqnu mgxssmimtv pntporctsk lhtelvxe

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