Mr. Crazy

I went on a date with Mr. Crazy a couple of weeks ago, and it did not go well.  He actually contributed some of the lines from my post about Mr. Asian Fetish.  He also tried to follow me home despite my protests, and I had to flee in heels and squeeze through closing metro doors in order to get away from him.

So, obviously, not a good date.

I shot off a quick email when I got home, saying what roughly translates into:  “We both know that we aren’t compatible and that this isn’t going to work out, so I wish you the best of luck with your future endeavors.”

I thought that the matter was closed and that I would never hear from him again.


His text ten minutes later seemed to imply that he had either ignored my previous message or had not received it:

“I am so happy to have finally met you.  I think that you’re super cute and really cool.”

I double-checked my sent mail.

Yup.  Sent.  So what was the deal?  Just in case, I sent my shut-down email again via text.

Mr. Crazy just refused to get the point.  Here are all the messages that he sent me afterward, in the order that I received them:

  • “Just wanted to say hey.  I hope that you are doing well and that you slept well last night ;)”  (The winky face made the whole message seem a little creepy…)
  • “You’re no longer speaking to me?  I didn’t please you, is that it?”  (I replied, “No.  You did not please me.  Leave me alone.”)
  • “I hope that you had a good weekend.  How are you?”  (At this point, I was beginning to think that this guy may be mentally unhinged.)
  • “Hello, how are you doing?  Why are you not talking to your boyfriend anymore?”  (Boyfriend?!  Oh god, Houston, we have a big-ass problem.)
  • “You have totally disappeared.”  (This was sent two minutes after the previous message when I didn’t respond.)
  • “Come baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!”  (Seriously.  He actually wrote, “reviensssssssssssss”)
  • “When am I seeing you again?”  (What?!)
  • “I don’t understand.  Are you dumping me?”  (Wow.)
  • “I really thought that we had something beautiful.  I don’t know why you’re mad at me, but how about I come over and we work it out?  Where do you live?”  (Eek.)

I went on one date with this guy.

ONE date.

I suppose that it could be worse.  Statistically speaking, I was bound to run into a nutjob at some point during this online dating experiment.

At least I’m alive, right?

But if my body is found beaten to death and floating in the Seine later, you’ll know who did it…



Filed under Misters

26 responses to “Mr. Crazy

  1. Zoë

    Helene, I LOVE this post. 🙂 So funny! Should I alert the French police about your Mr. Crazy?

    Seriously, that guy is very deluded. But it makes for great blogging!

  2. Thanks, Zoë! 🙂 What’s the saying? If it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger? I don’t know if I feel any stronger, but I do feel more cautious about giving out my phone number…

  3. I just stumbled on this from another – blog. Are you only trying for Frenchmen? It’s an international city so I was wondering if you’ve gone out with other Euro-guys. Might help.

    I’d ask you out but women don’t date guys without money!

  4. I’m not trying specifically for Frenchmen, that’s just how things turn out. I’m definitely an equal-opportunity dater 🙂

    Not all us women are after the money tree, you should give us a shot! I try to give every guy a chance to prove himself to be a cool dude… maybe that’s how I end up on dates with crazy people…

  5. I didn’t say women were only after guys who had lots of money – I said women didn’t want guys who had no money. Trust me, I’m an equal opportunity guy.

    Anyway, it’s not only that but it is a major part of what women look for – and even if they won’t admit it – it does affect how they feel about a guy. (Obviously, not ALL women – and there are the RARE exceptions – I just haven’t met any of them! 😉

    Just as one example in a complex subject, a guy can be poor but if he is super-ambitious – that can compensate.

    Care to talk more about the subject over a drink?
    (I’ll be nice – I wouldn’t want to have anything bad said about me on your blog.)

  6. Dear Man-Shopper,

    I am attending a function in which I will read my Bob/Robert post to a Parisian audience. The function is hosted by the man who just asked you out.
    We both know where I stand on you taking more dates, especially those that come out of nowhere from men who can spell.
    I suggest-nay, request you come with me to the reading.
    Your options are:
    1. come along
    2. come over for dinner and have a repeat performance of the infamous Craigslist experiment.

  7. I don’t host it – David Barnes does. So you don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to – whatever.

    • Pretty sure you misunderstood me Char. I WANT Miss Man-shopper to talk to you as she has spent many an evening showing me some of the horrible emails men send in her direction. A good portion of the date population is almost illiterate if you look in her inbox.
      Sorry I misunderstood who hosts the night. Still, I think it sounds like a lot of fun.

  8. julieparisienne

    omg.. this is a petite anglaise moment! yay!

  9. I am exhausted, so I will reply in bullet-point form, and in the order that comments were received…

    @charmerci – I would love to have a drink with you.

    @wanderingmenace – You are a menace. But it would be my pleasure to attend the spoken word event with you. Also, the Craigslist experiment was one of your more terrifying ideas.

    @charmerci – Since I have agreed to go to the spoken word event on Monday with wanderingmenace, the only question at this point is whether I will have a drink with you before or after this Monday event. If we grab a drink before Monday, that drink will determine whether or not we will be speaking during the spoken word event. If you prefer to have the drink after Monday, that drink will, obviously, be contingent upon our interaction at the spoken word event. And who says women can’t be rational? 🙂

    @julieparisienne – You are my sunshine.

  10. Charlie M

    Ms. MS,

    Whatever you want. I suspect you would rather be safe and meet at SWIP.

    See you there. If you want a seat get there a bit early – otherwise it’s standing. (David will go around looking for people to sign up to read, Ryan should be wearing his top hat when he does so.)

    Met a gal on the internet
    Rendezvous is now all set
    Meeting will make us sweat
    Nothing bad will happen I bet
    Can leave at home her safety net

  11. Love. This. Blog. How am I just now finding it?! ❤

    • @Charlie M – See you Monday, poet man. I’ll be the token Asian who rolls up with your favorite blonde booger blogger. She’ll totally rock the top hat.

      @amburgular – Thanks for finding me! I’m glad that you’re enjoying it… hope you stick around. I’ll try not to disappoint 🙂

  12. Ha! So glad to hear the crazy illiterates are world wide. Believe me, I’ve had my share (as I’m sure you’ve read.)
    So when is/was this date with the poet? I need results!

  13. I’m chillin’ – she’s taking her sweet time. We’re meeting in open, relaxed place with Ryan (her protector/protagonist) for a preliminary tete-a-tete on Monday where she will decide whether or not to ever talk to me again. Then it will be sometime after that.

    I’m afraid that you might be disappointed if you’re looking goofy/wild stories. I’m pretty normal. (Well, unless she’s nutty….)

    Geez, women are sooo impatient. 😀

    Writings from an impatient gal
    Looking for wild stories that shall
    Make her laugh as a grand mal
    May be disappointed royale
    So calm down and smoke a Doral.

    Excuse me while I go and clean wax out of my auditory canal….

  14. wow. as scary that was for you I have to say it’s great to know that I’m not the only one who attracts the deranged and deluded.

    My fave line…

    “I really thought that we had something beautiful.”


    • @Zia Ziatella – Well, it looks like Charlie has chimed in to answer your question for me! And yes, illiterates are everywhere. I think that it’s a byproduct of today’s culture of texting and virtual entertainment. People are becoming so lazy!

      @charmerci – Oh, I’m definitely nutty. Cuckoo for cocoa puffs. That’s a given.

      @Skye Blue – At first I thought that the deranged and deluded are constants in any dating culture in any part of the world. Now I’m beginning to think that they are only deranged and deluded to people like us who are… well… sane.

  15. Charlie M

    “@charmerci – Oh, I’m definitely nutty. Cuckoo for cocoa puffs. That’s a given.

    @Skye Blue – like us who are… well… sane.”

    Uh, that’s some serious disconnect there!!! 😀

  16. Update –

    Caught in a forever cycle of crazy men, rotating in an endless whirlpool of the big avoidance of anything approaching normality in the testosterone half of the human race, perpetually captured, living in a world of the feminine only. Given a chance to touch a bit of the normal, it’s slipping between her fingers, falling to the ground to be left behind, continuing on her quest for the strange for people’s amusement. Laughs shall continue to abound for her virtual audience.

    [Since they did not show up, this is not a true reflection of our protagonist. Oh yeah, I normally don’t write this well. If I did, I’d be famous and wouldn’t be trolling websites about women‘s dating experiences!]

  17. Pingback: Ms. Top Five « Man-shopping in Paris

  18. Morgane

    I met a guy exactly like this in Paris! He picked me up on the street basically and he was kinda cute. Anyways met up once, next thing I know I’m getting all these texts asking where I was, to come and see him and all this other clingy crap. What was worse is that all his texts were written like this :”t ou?” “tu fais kwoi?” “tu mparle plus :(” “prkwoi tu me repnd pa :'(“. “vien mvoir a ma tuf stp?” “t une fille mgnifke” seriously wtf. this is a 24yr old guy. Anyway before I left Paris he got me a present; A Fuschia pink lacey CK push up bra. In my size and I don’t remeber sharing that information.

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