Ms. Brazen Hussy

I suppose we all have those moments when hormones go a little wonky and we act impulsively and out of character.  I had one of those moments the other day, when I turned into quite the brazen hussy on the metro.

I was seated on the Line 4 when I saw a VERY handsome older gentleman step on the train at Barbès-Rochechouart.  No joke.  Gorgeous.  Like Robert-Redford-resplendent.

Our eyes locked for a second, and my only coherent thought at the time was, “Hubba hubba.”  (I’ve quite the poetic mind, I know.)

This impeccably-dressed man-a-licious specimen then came over and, instead of striking up a conversation as a normal human being would do, he strategically repositioned himself so that he could stand over me and stare directly down my shirt as I remained seated.

I’m not sure what came over me, but this was when I looked up at him and said, “So do you like what you see?”

He was taken aback, so it took him a good while to respond with “Euh, yes, I suppose that I do.”

I refused to let this gloriously good-looking man off the hook.  “Well, do you intend to do anything about it then?”

At this point, the poor thing was pretty tongue-tied.

I stood up so that my face was inches from his.  (To be more precise, my face was inches from his chin, since he was deliciously tall — definitely part of his appeal in this barren wasteland of diminutive Parisians.)

I arched my eyebrow as best I could and hoped that it formed an interrogative expression.

After some stammering, my unfortunate victim (who, to avoid my expectant gaze, was still staring down my shirt, by the way) finally came out with, “Well, now that you mention it, I’d love it if you’d have dinner with me sometime.”

Of course, I replied, “I’d love to.  My name is Hélène.”

I gave him my number and alit at the next stop.

I know that he’ll never call.  Probably a good thing.

In this city, a man of that age is guaranteed to be married.  It would certainly explain why he was so eager to ogle my boobs but so reluctant/incompetent about taking action.

Besides, I obviously traumatized him.  I imagine that it’s a little emasculating when a female basically forces you to ask her out.

But at least no one can ever say that I’m not proactive about my love life.



Filed under Misses

19 responses to “Ms. Brazen Hussy

  1. Ari

    Oh my goodness, I adore your moxie! That is classic. Sad to hear about traumatizing him tho, I really do hope he DOES call. Maybe he just needs to recover!

  2. Alex

    He’s definitely going to call you, Manshopper. Bravo with taking the initiative! I am glad that you now have signed up for Team Hussy. And you didn’t even need an ounce of liquor to join.

    Dude, where the hell do you buy cream of tartar? I went to the big grocery here in Pasadena yesterday and couldn’t find it. But your Kuhn Rikon peeler is pretty dope.

  3. Well that’s what he gets for being so obvious about it! And do you really want a man that’s so slow on his feet (I guess he was distracted, but still!). You go girl.

  4. @Ari – He may never recover after Asianista Attack 🙂

    @Alex – Big surprise, right? Me? Sober hussy?! Shocking. As for that cream of tartar, don’t worry your pretty little head of hair about it, it’s not essential to my life. But my life isn’t complete without that Kuhn Rikon peeler!

    @lifebeginsat30ty – You’re right, I don’t really want a man who drags his feet like that, no. At the time, I suppose that I just wanted him to ask me out so that I could stroke my own ego — to have confirmation that I’m awesome 🙂

  5. Alex

    I’m just excited that you’re at Hussy Level. Not quite at the “Minx + Hussy = Mussy” just yet, but baby steps.

    I’m beginning to think you’re avoiding text messages and Twitter replies in an effort to drive up your readership numbers 🙂

    • You have now given me a goal. I shall be a “Mussy” by the time this year is out.

      Also, if you send me protein shake mix with that peeler, I’ll text you all you want. That’s a promise.

  6. Ian

    That is all.

  7. If you did that with me on the metro you might find yourself locked in a kiss.

  8. Hunksicle central!

    Robert Redford.

  9. Helene (sorry I don’t know how to do them squiggles), will you marry me?
    *Plentymorefishoutofwater – One Man’s Dating Diary*

  10. You’re my idol!!!

    I’ve been known to scurry and run when catching someone staring at me…in daylight lol! Find me at a dimly lit bar and the confidence is up tenfold and suddenly I’m Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct 🙂

    Go Get Em Tiger!

    • Ooooo that must have been it! My cleavage might have looked appetizing on the metro, so maybe he chickened out when he got a good look at my face under those horrific neon lights.

      Next time, I’m going to follow your example and base my operations out of dimly lit bars, strip clubs (have you noticed how the lighting makes your skin look AMAZING??) and bat caves… Either that or I’ll wait until the train stalls and the lights shut off before I go accosting unsuspecting men on the metro.

  11. Alex

    You should have sent me that protein shake request about 4 hours earlier. I just mailed your box out during my lunch break! Quelle dommage.

    I feel like I’ve failed, Manshopper! No protein shake mix, no ginger tea, no cream of tartar. Don’t worry: I’ll send you another box in a month.

  12. Ha! I love it. Just my style. Shame we don’t live closer. We could cause a ruckus together.

  13. I am so proud of you shopper. Just, so so proud.

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