Mr. Beautiful Bottom

If you’re a fairly regular reader of my blog, by now you’ve probably picked up on the fact that I’m not particularly keen on Parisian men.  In fact, you could say that 99.999999999% of my blog material is dedicated to bashing them to bits.

So to change things up a bit, in honor of Mother’s Day, today I will highlight an aspect of Parisian men that I LOVE: their remarkably glorious behinds.

That’s right.  This is my ode to Parisian posteriors!  I’ve recently become a connoisseur of les fesses.  And I’ve discovered that Paris is a great place to scope out dude derrieres.

What makes Paris so great for tushie-gazing, you ask?  Well, unlike the American scene that I left when I fled the country in 2006, the men here consistently wear nicely fitted (and sometimes too tight) trousers.  This is wonderful for a seasoned seat-gazer like myself, since this means that their rear goods are perfectly displayed for my viewing pleasure!

There are many things about Parisian men that I detest, most of which seem to stem from their effeminate habits and mannerisms.  However, I can’t fault the fit of their trousers.  And if being a pansy guy on a pansy diet means that they give good butt, so be it.  They may not be date-able, but that can sometimes work to my advantage.

I can reject them just so that I can ogle their bums as they walk away.

But what constitutes a particularly nice butt?  In my opinion, it must possess the following characteristics:

  • proportionality — I’m not a big fan of a disproportionately large bottom on a man (e.g. Bunny Colvin on The Wire).  That’s just my personal preference, as it affects the grace of a man’s gait.  Parisian man-derrieres are consistently proportional to the bodies attached to them, which works just fine for me!
  • cuppability — A guy’s posterior needs to be well-rounded and — well — cuppable.  Ideally, I should be tempted to go in for a grab.  Yesterday I actually reached my hand out toward an especially nice specimen before I realized what I was doing.
  • perkiness — It could be the Parisian apartment buildings and the absence of lifts, but Parisian man-butts usually sit nice and high on the body — not unlike a well-executed boob job.
  • seamless packaging — Parisian men don’t store anything in their back pockets.  I’ve a feeling that a “wallet-line” is a punishable offense here, which explains the pervasive and abhorrent “man purse” phenomenon in Paris.  I may detest the man purse, but I’ll tolerate it for the time being, since it enhances my bum-gazing pleasure.

Unlike their female counterparts in Paris, which are more or less two-dimensional, the male booty here is very much worth pillaging, so to speak.  While I have yet to converse intimately — in the nude — with these well-shaped Parisian nether-cheeks, and while I certainly can’t vouch for the goods in the front, I can at least enjoy the sight of these tight little tushies as they parade past me every day.

Happy Mother’s Day.

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40 Comments

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40 responses to “Mr. Beautiful Bottom

  1. My man purse is my Jack Sack, I bought some brand of bag that Jack Bauer used on 24.

    Now do Parisian men go commando with this look or?

    As if I ever go to Paris I assume I should: “when in Rome (do as the Romans do).”

    • In my mind, the Jack Sack is not a purse. It is badass because Jack Bauer is badass. The man purses here can only fit a wallet, a diary, and perhaps some moisturizer.

      As for the commando question, I can’t say. But I imagine not. Boxer briefs are prevalent, however. I can say this with at least some authority because I’ve asked around 😉

  2. Zoë Blue

    Yes! My experience with Frenchmen has me in total agreement with you. Lovely lovely bums.

    Now I wish I could see Francois’ ass, just one more time. *sigh* Even the skinniest guys had the best bums.

    Also, I miss the boxer briefs (emphasis on “briefs”) and form-fitting clothing from Europe. I try, not so subtly, to shape-shift all my American guys into copycats, clothing-wise, and as a result there are a few of them walking around with some well-wrapped derrières.

    • Exactly! Even the skinny ones! Remarkable, really.

      I, too, am a fan of the boxer brief. It makes my heart sing that you are training transforming the American bum-gazing scene… one American at a time.

  3. CapOuPasCap

    I couldn’t help cracking myself up at the part of “hand reaching out”.
    And I’ll surely watch my hand when I’m in Paris.

    Thanks for the “warning”!

    xo

  4. LOL this is the first positive thing you’ve said about Parisians! PS you forgot “the shelf effect”. http://www.comicsbulletin.com/font/images/080713/crumb.jpg

  5. ‘male booty here is very much worth pillaging…?’

    MS, you’re a butt pirate! hehehehehe

    ps. walkups are great for keeping a booty high!
    JFB

    • Arrr, I am indeed a butt pirate!

      I complain about walkups, but you’re right. They are great for lifting the booty. I will miss living in a sixth floor walkup after I move. Actually, who am I kidding?? No, I won’t. But I will miss the built-in workout.

  6. Ahaha. I wouldn’t naturally assume that such petite people would have rounded derriere’s. Interesting.

    Honey, I am dying here in the USA! These men just do NOT know how to dress! I used to have very lovely mornings in London waiting on the platform with all the smartly dressed men. Now it’s just khaki’s and polo shirts. Ugh.

    • I’m not entirely sure why their bums are so nice, but it’s a relief that I’ve been able to find a redeeming factor in the man-scene here!

      No smartly dressed where you are?? That’s unfortunate! Is this what I’ll be coming home to in a few weeks? I don’t think that I’ve seen khakis on a Parisian man. Ever.

  7. I am not a mum but enjoyed the topic and the pic!

    Not just Parisian men, some other European & Asian men as well – go the man bag!

    Please bring some of that chic to Aus (the land downunder)

  8. Hmm…. murse vs. seamlessness is a trade-off I would not be willing to make without further thought.

    • I’ve thought long and hard about the murse-seamlessness conundrum. I’m finally able to temper my anti-murse sentiment, but I’m still decidedly anti-murse. I’ve just grown less vocal about it lately. But that could change tomorrow…

  9. I really want to feign being offended by your objectification of men, but who am I kidding? I’d love to be ogled like that. Sadly, the average Japanese woman isn’t as much of a perv as you.

    • I’m probably abnormally pervy. But how do you know that Japanese women aren’t ogling your man attributes? I like to think that women are constantly aware of the man-candy around them. Besides, what else is there to do on the metro? Most of the time, I think that people objectify the opposite sex because they’re just bored.

      • Now that you mention it, there do tend to be a lot of bored Japanese women clustered around me wherever I go. Hmmm… maybe you’re right!

  10. Hahaha! Thanks for the laugh, imagining you cupping some unsuspecting guy’s posterior. And nice pic — the first one, not so much the second.

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  12. I hear they have fluffy cheeks 🙂

  13. This is the first compelling argument I have found on here that makes me want to go to France. I may be married, but it doesn’t hurt to admire the local, um beauty (booty?), right?

  14. I love it!

    I’m not a Mom but this post made for a happy day. It also makes me want to go back to Europe. Although I’m not a fan of excessively tight pants on men, I’m also not a fan of jeans that are so baggy, they completely obscure a guy’s body. I’d rather have a general idea of what’s lurking beneath before I go through with actually removing the pants. ha!

    • I agree. I prefer too-tight to too-baggy trousers. It certainly makes the task of “undressing him with your eyes” much easier! Then again, if they’re too tight, I imagine that undressing him with your hands may prove problematic in the heat of passion… Hmmm…

  15. Ken

    As someone who has built a religion around the female derriere, let me say that your enthusiasm is infectious.

  16. Nice to know I’m not the only one can appreciate a nice butt! First time reader, will definitely keep reading!

  17. It’s true, there is something about Parisian men’s asses that are deliciously appealing.
    I think it has something to do with the lack of carpenter pants, or sagging pants-so you actually get to see what is lurking just beneath the fabric. Of course-this is not so appealing when the pants are too tight and you get to see the full outline of a penis on the metro, which happened to me a few months ago-and I can attest that being able to see details like size, shape, and veins through khakis does not a happy menace make.

  18. I totally just got caught reading this at work.
    My coworker asked what I was reading and I said a blog. He said, “Is that what they’re calling them nowadays.”
    Was so caught up in your tush descriptions, that I completely forgot about the bum pic that was displaying on the screen.

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