Ms. Man-shopper on a Plane… on a Mother-f*#%ing Plane…

I haven’t really been keeping you all abreast of my man shopping adventures.  I wish I could say that this is due to the fact that I’ve been so TERRIBLY busy swimming in delicious Californian men that I simply haven’t a spare moment to write them all up.

But then I’d be lying.

In reality, I’ve been staying at my childhood home, mired in family obligations, all my spare energy devoted to preventing Bay Area boredom from crushing my soul.

I’ve also been playing a lot of Plants Vs. Zombies on the iPad.

Don’t judge.

A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do to stay sane when her crazy uncles are demanding that she find a husband already.

And Plants Vs. Zombies is a brilliant game.  Seriously.

But I’ve still another couple of weeks left before I return to Paris and my usual shenanigans, so I figured that I’d tear myself away from brain-mushifying virtual zombie-killing for a few moments and share an anecdote about the closest thing that could pass for man shopping…

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

My sister and I were on a Virgin America flight, and I was having a grand ol’ time because it was my first time on this particular carrier.  I was enjoying their cheeky safety cards and tongue-in-cheek safety presentation.  And when we had finally reached cruising altitude, I began to explore the personal entertainment screen that we all had in front of us.

I discovered that they have this nifty feature that allows you to instant message anyone on the plane, simply by typing in their seat number.

So of course, my brilliant scientific mind felt an overwhelming desire to test out this new toy.  I immediately typed in my sister’s seat number, 7E, and sent her a cheery “HI!”

She was in the seat next to me, so I looked over at her, and she had her eyes happily glued to some comedy show.

Clearly, she wasn’t the least bit interested in the instant message capabilities of Virgin America’s entertainment system.

This is probably because she is a logical, sane person and saw no need to instant message me when she could just poke me and talk to me.

But we are not at all alike.

So I sent her another message in an attempt to provoke her and force her to play with me, dammit:


I sat back in my seat, feeling quite pleased with myself.

But a few minutes later, my sister still hadn’t sent me a response.

Now, this was unacceptable.

So I poked her and forced her to remove her headphones so that I could confront her about her lack of IM responsiveness.

She insisted that she hadn’t received any of my messages, and upon investigation, we discovered that she was correct.  Neither of my messages had been transmitted to her entertainment screen.

I was rather put out.

So I went back to my entertainment screen to see if the problem was on my end.  Perhaps I didn’t push the send button properly.


But then I realized that I had sent both “HI!” and “Dufus” to 3E instead of 7E.

And I knew for a fact that there was an exceedingly attractive man sitting in 3E.

I was mortified.

I turned off the screen and proceeded to ignore it for most of the remainder of the flight.  I guess I was hoping that if the screen was off, then I wouldn’t exist.  In some twisted way, I was hoping that leaving the screen off would mean that I still had a chance with the hot guy in 3E.

Kind of like how when you’re a little kid, and you think that if you hide under the covers and can’t see the monster, then it can’t see you.

Obviously, I’ve matured a great deal since then.


Filed under Misses

13 responses to “Ms. Man-shopper on a Plane… on a Mother-f*#%ing Plane…

  1. Why did you turn off the screen? What if he wrote back? Damn girl, I expect more from you!

    However, the next time I’m on a flight I’m going to see if they have that particular function and use the shit out of it! I can see it now…

    To the old man in 12B: Was up, pops?
    To the hot stud in 10A: Want to join the mile high club?
    To the pilot: I think you should have turned left back there.

  2. Aw, turned the screen off. Could have used the screw-up as segue to greater IM convo. I like MissMel’s idea of asking to join the mile high club. Worth a shot, right?

  3. @MissMelisaMae and @ziazitella – I know, I know. I’m a failure. I just panicked! I’ve been off my game since I left France. But then again, I’ve never really been ON my game. Blargh.

    Also, both my mother and sister were giving me this LOOK. This scathing look that said, “I can’t believe that we share DNA with you.”

  4. Enough child’s play. Let’s get back to the dysfunctional dating mecca and get back in those cold, cold waters!!

    • Less than two weeks… In less than two weeks, I will be back in those pansy-shark infested waters. Jet-lagged dating should make for a good post or two.

  5. I keep hearing about that functionality on Virgin! A girlfriend flew from NYC to Vegas on Virgin last year and IMed with a guy all the way there and ended up hanging out with him. Guess it really DOES work?! 😉

    Btw, I met a guy at the airport bar a few weeks ago. Same flight to our home city, turns out he was from my small hometown (saw him the next day at the local tavern!) & then we were on the same flight back to California. Umm, what?! Too bad I think he had a gf, even though we flirted a lot. But no # exchange. 😦 Sigh…

    • D’oh! It WORKS?? Damn, I really did miss out on an opportunity here. I’m flying Swiss Air back to Paris, and cheeky IM capabilities is hardly something that I associate with the Swiss Germans…

      And I can’t believe that homeboy didn’t ask for your number. What a dufus. It seemed like the start of a great rom-com!

  6. LOL! Too funny. Sorry your mom and sister weren’t impressed. I wonder if 3E read the messages?

    I’ve never flown Virgin, but that definitely seems like an interesting feature. Wouldn’t it be great if there was a “Message All” and you could screen everyone with something like “If you’re male, single, and not French, let’s chat!”

    • A “Message All” function would be brilliant. But I imagine that such a function is strictly forbidden in order to protect innocent passengers from my desperation 🙂

  7. Alex

    “Dufus” is totally a conversation starter! I’d have replied. Then again, I’m crazy.

    • No, you’re not the crazy one. You just like to splash around with the crazy kids at the wading pool, is all. It doesn’t make you batshit crazy, it just makes you a little batshit stupid 😉

  8. It could have been worse- you could have sent a “wanna join the mile high club?” message to 3E only to have it received by another seat occupied by an 80 year old man/another woman/a 12 year old boy. Now, THAT would have been awkward.

    • Thank god I didn’t have the finger dexterity to type full sentences on that chat function. I’m sure that something like that could easily happen to me.

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