In addition to drinking mulled wine, eating gingerbread, and snuggling, one of my favorite things to do during the winter is snowboarding. Make no mistake, I am not one of those snowbunny babes who coast down the slopes in fitted outfits and who stop every few runs for a glass of wine at the ski lodge.
I arrive at the lifts early in the morning, hit the slopes hard until lunch, eat a packed lunch, and then I snowboard until my legs can no longer support me. I can’t help myself. I am an overachiever. And I am cheap! I paid for that all-day lift ticket, and damn it, I SHALL get my money’s worth and snowboard ALL DAY.
Needless to say, these are not ideal conditions for man-shopping.
Now, my homegirl, Wandering Menace, is always telling me about all the hot guys who work the ski resorts. From my own personal experience, I can definitely back this assertion with empirical data. However, a real dilemma emerges when one is faced with the question of how to approach these hunky snow gods.
I have no insight into this.
No matter how dreamy these guys are, I have determined that there is no point in approaching them. Not in my case.
And it’s not because I’d rather be snowboarding my brains out.
That’s only part of it.
The real reason is that, regardless of how little mojo I have on a daily basis in my normal life, I have EVEN LESS game on the slopes. This is due to the fact that I find it physically impossible to exude any sort of sex appeal while dressed in my snowboarding gear.
There are some ladies who look like this while skiing:
Alas, I am not one of them:
Note that I am wearing the following items:
- neck gaiter
- poofy, shapeless jacket
- poofy, shapeless snow pants
- poofy, shapeless gloves
Underneath all this, I am wearing the following:
- old sports bra
- long underwear
This is not exactly a recipe for insta-sexpot. In fact, this is a surefire way for everyone on the slopes to mistake me for a little Asian boy. When people strike up a conversation with me in Tahoe, it mostly starts with:
- “Hey, bro!”
- “Hey, man!”
So for those of you out there who manage to find romance in Tahoe or any other snow resorts, I commend you.
I, for one, opt NOT to risk man-shopping on the slopes, for fear of the awkwardness that would ensue when I revealed my actual gender to any interested parties.