Mr. Comment Courtship

Around this time last year, one of my readers took it upon himself to ask me out… in the comments section of my blog posts.  Since this strange courtship (fueled by other players like Wandering Menace and Zia Zitella) was conducted on a public forum, I have no qualms about reproducing it here in slightly abridged form for your viewing pleasure.  I will save my brief comments for the end of this post.  I’d like you, dear readers, to judge the situation for yourself.

In other words, I’d like you to agree with me that this approach is NOT the way to charm a lady of discerning taste via the internet.

16 March 2010


I’d ask you out but women don’t date guys without money!


Not all us women are after the money tree, you should give us a shot!  I try to give every guy a chance to prove himself to be a cool dude… maybe that’s how I end up on dates with crazy people…


I didn’t say women were only after guys who had lots of money — I said women didn’t want guys who had no money.  Trust me, I’m an equal opportunity guy.  Anyway, it’s not only that but it is a major part of what women look for — and even if they won’t admit it — it does affect how they feel about a guy.  (Obviously, not ALL women — there are the RARE exceptions — I just haven’t met any of them! 😉

Care to talk more about the subject over a drink?  (I’ll be nice — I wouldn’t want to have anything bad said about me on your blog.)

Wandering Menace

I am attending a function in which I will read my Bob/Robert post to a Parisian audience.  The function is hosted by the man who just asked you out.

I suggest-nay, request you come with me to the reading.


I would love to have a drink with you.  Since I have agreed to go to the spoken word event on Monday with wanderingmenace, the only question at this point is whether I will have a drink with you before or after this Monday event.  If we grab a drink before Monday, that drink will determine whether or not we will be speaking during the spoken word event.  If you prefer to have the drink after Monday, that drink will, obviously, be contingent upon our interaction at the spoken word event.

And who says women can’t be rational? 🙂

17 March 2010


Whatever you want.  I suspect you would rather be safe and meet at SWIP.  See you there.

Met a gal on the internet

Rendezvous is now all set

Meeting will make us sweat

Nothing bad will happen I bet

Can leave at home her safety net 😉


See you Monday, poet man.  I’ll be the token Asian who rolls up with your favorite blonde booger blogger.

18 March 2010

Zia Zitella

So when is/was this date with the poet?  I need results!


I’m chillin’ — she’s taking her sweet time.

I’m afraid that you might be disappointed if you’re looking goofy/wild stories.  I’m pretty normal.  (Well, unless she’s nutty….)

Geez, women are sooo impatient. 😀

Looking for wild stories that shall

Make her laugh as a grand mall

May be disappointed royal

So calm down and smoke a Doral.

Excuse me while I go and clean wax out of my auditory canal….

23 March 2010


Caught in a forever cycle of crazy men, rotating in an endless whirlpool of the big avoidance of anything approaching normality in the testosterone half of the human race, perpetually captured, living in a world of the feminine only.  Given a chance to touch a bit of the normal, it’s slipping between her fingers, falling to the ground to be left behind, continuing on her quest for the strange for people’s amusement.  Laughs shall continue to abound for her virtual audience.

[Since they did not show up, this is not a true reflection of our protagonist.  Oh yeah, I normally don’t write this well.  If I did, I’d be famous and wouldn’t’ be trolling websites about women’s dating experiences!]

28 March 2010


The month’s still not over.  See you tomorrow?

29 March 2010


Not tonight, sorry.  My schedule is pretty messy these days…


Look at her response to me above.

That’s the third time I’ve made gentle requests and 3 times it’s been nothing.  I’m not aggressive/overly assertive so for me, that’s enough of a message for me.  I ain’t asking again.

I’m pretty sure that this comes from gals looking for the proverbial knight in shining armor (i.e. Armani-dressed in a white Ferrari) sweeping them off their feet.  (Thanks to Hollywood.)  Or that magical love-at-first sight thing.  It’s beginning to dawn on me that these overly aggressive guys are rewarded for their persistence — if only a little bit but that’s what they thrive on.  Maybe not individually, but as a collective whole I think that these women are at least, partially responsible — and it’s a shame because these a-holes make it so much harder for the nice guys.

30 March


My schedule really is a disaster; I have a hard enough time scheduling in my good friends.  But that’s beside the point because I doubt that we will ever meet now.

And I’d have to disagree with you by saying that “these women” like me don’t reward the persistence of assholes.  Rather, we reward the effort of gentlemen who at least try to be charming and don’t ask us out on public forums where Wandering Menaces can publicly strong-arm us into saying yes.  Seriously, it’s like that dude who proposes on national television.  But at least that guy was already dating her and reasonably sure that she’d say yes.

31 March 2010


I did believe you when you said you were busy.  But in the past, I have always interpreted that as a “no” — whether that was wrong or right.

When I said “these women” I was not talking about any of the women on this blog.  I’m sure that you’re all fine, beautiful, intelligent, sweet, hard-working people.

On the internet a little misunderstanding

Sometimes can make for a hard landing

I wish you all the best

On your man-shopping quest.



To recap:

  1. His segue to asking me out was a somewhat bitter generalization about the shallow nature of women.
  2. Two words: rhyming poetry.
  3. He only has a tenuous grasp of what constitutes eloquence (e.g. “rotating in an endless whirlpool of the big avoidance of anything approaching normality in the testosterone half of the human race, perpetually captured, living in a world of the feminine only…”  I mean, WHAT?!)
  4. Upon being “rejected,” he thought that this must have been due to an obsession with finding my Armani-clad knight in a white Ferrari.  Yes, because, clearly, he must know me intimately through our interaction in my blog comments.
  5. On the bright side, at least he could spell.

I would also like to add that, according to my records, at no point did he send me an email telling me about himself or interact with me anywhere except in blog comments.

In conclusion, I present an homage to charmercis of the world:

Don’t be an ass-clown.

Quit wearing me down.

Don’t make me frown.

Get me out of this town.


Filed under Misters

22 responses to “Mr. Comment Courtship

  1. Hm, obviously your being asked out by blog blog comment did not work out nearly as well as my experience! But there was also no rhyming involved. Or passive-aggressive digs at the female gender. Be a lesson to you boys there. Get more flies with honey and all that. Busy or not I agree with the thumbs down. Ek.

  2. hahaha!!! asking you out by rhyming poetry in the comment section of your blog? does it get lazier than that? a good call not going out with him. however much respect to the spelling skills.

  3. I was hoping for a happy ending. I was certain he was going to sweep you off your feet and despite the (intentionally??) bad rhyming poetry you would fall in love against all odds. Like in those Hollywood romantic comedies. I can’t believe his approach didn’t work. It seemed foolproof.

  4. CoatMan

    I’m definitely with ManShopper on the spelling. And I’ll throw in grammar, punctuation, syntax, style and elocution, too. There’s little more attractive than a woman who’s good with words, and little more irritating than [i]anyone[/i] who botches the language.

    But, dear goodness, didn’t the rhyming red flags line up like… err… a lineup of rhyming red flags by about his second or third comment…? And what actually happened on the occasion when you were supposed to meet?

    • By the time that the rhyming red flags had begun to line up, I’d already committed to attending the spoken word event with Ryan. And if I had reneged, she surely would have forced me to do something much much worse than go on a blind date with a questionable “poet.”

      In the end, we couldn’t go (big deadline the following day), so we never had the privilege of meeting this character in person. In retrospect, I’m also more put off by the fact that he never bothered to tell us how we could identify him. I’m picturing some creep, lurking in a corner, thinking, “Huh, I suppose they’re decent-looking enough. I guess I’ll go over and make myself known now.”

  5. TheIdiotSpeaketh

    Hmm…I must say that is the first time I have ever seen someone being asked out through the comments section…… That’s a new one alright. I wonder if that angle has worked for him before? I think you handled the situation remarkably well. Did you hit BlondeZilla over her head with a sandwich the next time you saw her? ha ha

    • I’d never hit BlondeZilla with a sandwich! I’d eat the sandwich, and then hit her over the head with a spatula after deriving feisty energy from said sandwich.

      That’s a good question though, whether this has worked before. Maybe it has? And maybe they now live happily ever after, with his Armani suiting and white Ferrari.

  6. Clearly if a man is French
    For him you are NOT the wench.


    • I concur!

      Interesting that Charmerci never divulged his nationality…

      Even if he weren’t French,
      And were to hit me with a park bench,
      I would never be his wench!

  7. *gag*

    That pretty much sums up my thoughts on his comments and poetry.

  8. Ken

    Suddenly, I don’t feel as bad for asking you to sit on my face via Twitter DM. Why, compared to that guy, it’s almost — dare I say it — chivalrous.

    I think.

  9. Pingback: Mr. Comment King | Man-shopping in Paris

  10. So sorry I missed this one when it first came out. (Was in the midst of sister wedding BS.) I remember those comments fondly & even believe I commented again when he started getting bitter, and pointed out that he did ask you out in an OPEN forum on a blog nonetheless. Duh.

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