Ms. Self-Analysis

Girly mags are always doing silly features about how one can supposedly tell quite a bit about a lady’s life, her relationship status in particular, by examining the contents of her bag, shopping basket or even things around her bedroom.  Well, following that line of reasoning, just for fun, I’ll pretend that I’m an outsider taking a peek at the belongings of the Man-shopper…

Contents of freakishly enormous Mary Poppins handbag

  • lip gloss
  • claritin
  • wallet and keys
  • emergency snacks
  • water bottle
  • emergency scarf and/or cardigan
  • sunglasses
  • hair clip that doubles as not-so-blunt stabbing instrument (that somehow manages to get through airport security EVERY time)
  • utility knife (that, clearly, doesn’t make it through airport security)
  • hand cream
  • condom (from the LOVE box that Nando sent me!)
  • ibuprofen
  • nail file
  • back-up glasses
  • back-up contact lenses

Conclusions…

  • relationship status : unclear
  • other : girly girl with allergies, astigmatism, and perhaps a violent streak… (on second thought, this broad must surely be single)

Contents of latest grocery shopping basket

(consumed within 12 hours of purchase)

  • baguette de tradition
  • terrine de campagne
  • confit de canard
  • jumbo jar of pickles
  • speculoos spread (better than Nutella, I tell you!)
  • gaufres
  • 2 frozen pizzas
  • mango sorbet
  • apple sorbet
  • dozen Snickers bars
  • canned chili
  • salt and vinegar crisps
  • AAA batteries (Simmer down, people.   It’s for my gym timer)
  • two bottles of wine

Conclusions…

  • relationship status : S to the INGLE
  • other : clearly PMS-ing

Contents of bedside table

  • jewelry collection
  • face cream
  • jar of cinnamon
  • glasses
  • phone charger
  • bottle of whisky
  • bottle of cognac
  • Moby Dick, Mellville
  • The Flamingo’s Smile, Gould
  • The Fabric of the Cosmos, Greene
  • Black Jack, Tezuka (the God of Manga)
  • Paris: The Secret History, Hussey
  • gym schedule

Conclusions…

  • relationship status : unclear… unless alcoholic is a relationship status
  • other : nerd

Well.  That was fun.

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8 Comments

Filed under Misses

8 responses to “Ms. Self-Analysis

  1. (Girl clutches tear-stained pillow, gazes intensely and despairingly at phone and ‘Moby Dick’ on bedside table…)

    …”Call me, Ishmael!”

  2. Until you can pull an umbrella out of your bag which helps you fly, your bag isn’t too big 😉

  3. jessi

    Jar of cinnamon? I’m confused.

  4. The cinnamon got me too! lol. Your explanation totally warrants it but I wonder…do you use fingers and a pinch or the spoon before it hits your oatmeal…

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