The other day I received a lovely big red envelope in my letterbox. There was a picture of chocolates on it. As I was, at the time, at the mercy of certain PMS hormones, I was looking forward to browsing some delectable food catalog, drooling all over it, and then going out to buy a roast chicken to devour with my bare hands.
No such luck.
It was a catalog of sex toys.
Once I got over the initial shock, I realized that this was a great learning opportunity.
For the most part, the French terms for things are easily recognizable to the average anglophone reader.
However, just for fun, how about some more sexcabulary?
anal plug [m.] – anal plug
boules de geisha [f.] – ben wa balls
clitoridien(ne) – clitoral
en strasse – rhinestoned
gaine [f.] – sheath
gode(miché) [m.] – dildo
jeu action ou vérité [m.] – Truth or Dare
lubrifiant [m.] – lubricant
menottes [f.] – handcuffs
point G [m.] – G-spot
préservatif [m.] – condom
sextoy [m.] – sex toy (Seriously?? The French don’t have their own word for this?)
tenue de soubrette [f.] – french maid outfit
“vibro Jack the Rabbit” – “The Rabbit”
vibro(masseur) [m.] – vibrator
<any lingerie bottom> ouvert(e) – crotchless (lingerie bottom)
- The French love/obsession with Hello Kitty also extends to sex toys.
- As a general rule, in order to talk about sex toys in French, all you have to do is think of the word in English, and then say it with a silly French accent. For example, sex toy is le sex toy, “Spanish Fly” is le Spanish Fly, and sexy nurse costume is le costume nurse sexy.
- Most laugh-tacular product name: le vibromasseur Queeny Love Giant Lover. Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up. An aside about this particular product… it’s German.
This catalog was not exactly the classiest act and definitely showcased a certain lack of discretion and marketing savvy. However, at the very least, it was entertaining and educational for me… and now for you as well, dear readers!
My advice to fellow expats: buy your sex toys online from either the U.K. or Germany. Trust me on this.