Ms. Date Gone South

When I hang out  with Wandering Menace, we inevitably get up to no good.  But most of the time, we just do silly things for the sake of being silly.  But one thing is constant.  Ryan loves to make lists.

Let me rephrase that.

She likes to make ME make lists.

She once asked me to write down all my thoughts in response to the following question:

“How do you know when your date has taken a bad turn?”

And this is what I came up with:

  • you go to the toilet three times in one hour, and each time you wash your hands both before and after — just so that you can prolong the toilet break
  • you start thinking about how much he looks like your little sister
  • you realize that his name is on your list of top ten names for your future dog
  • upon asking whether you’d like another glass of wine, you ask him to order a bottle
  • your date has a satchel
  • your date tells you that his wife said something similar the other day
  • while your date is in the restroom, you ask your waiter how he came by such marvelous forearms
  • you pretend to pick up an urgent phone call… on your iPod

Dating is so much fun, isn’t it.


Filed under Misses

12 responses to “Ms. Date Gone South

  1. “your date has a satchel”

    Yup. Game over.

    If I saw 2 people who appeared to be on a date, and the guy had his satchel, I would walk over to their table, kick the guy in the nuts, and put my hand up the girl’s shirt. Then I’d howl like a wolf and exclaim: “that’s how *men* do it!”

    I didn’t want to go back to that restaurant anyway.

    • I would love to see that scene acted out in front of me. I observed a date just a few days ago during which the guy had a cutesy little satchel. I was horrified. Whatever happened to the perfectly proper, manly messenger bag??

      • Observe:

        “the guy had a CUTESY little satchel.”

        “Perfectly proper, manly messenger bag.”

        In summation, a nut-kicking is needed.

        You’re welcome.

  2. I’ve done the waiter/forearm bit. Actually, come to think of it, I’ve actually done the grab a drink and go out on the patio ALONE bit, too.

    And who the hell carries a satchel anyway?

  3. This reminds me of the hangover & the “its not a purse…its a Satchel” comment….and there you go, that’s the kind of guy who wears a satchel!

    • Ah, The Hangover! What a fun film.

      And guess what, the French manage to ruin it by translating its title as…

      … Very Bad Trip.

      I am reminded of this horrible horrible fact because I just saw posters for Very Bad Trip 2 in the metro today. Ugh.

  4. Yeah, if you’re trying to prolong your bathroom breaks, you might as well climb out of the window or try to find the exit. No bueno lol

  5. I never thought to climb out the window! From now on, I guess I should take my purse and coat with me to the toilet, just in case I need to beat a hasty and cowardly retreat…

  6. When the guy started talking to the imaginary person in the chair next to him, I had an inkling this wasn’t going to be a match made in heaven.

  7. A manly satchel. I have no words. That’s a lie. I have one.


    And not even in the way that people overuse that word these days (myself included). Like actual Webster’s dictionary version. Amazing. I am. Amazed. Hysterical lol!!!

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