Pet names can sometimes be a touchy topic, as the value, efficacy and general feelgoodiness of any pet name is purely subjective and based entirely on the arbitrary criteria of the individual being pet-named.
In general, whether or not I enjoy being called a pet name in French is determined entirely by whether I find the pet-namer horribly sleazy or gloriously attractive.
Given my history with the parisian male population, which is a separate species that I like to call parisianus asstardanus, it should come as no surprise that there are precious few French pet names that I find particularly appealing.
French pet names I like
- ma belle
- mon coeur (I’ve never been much of a romantic, but I have to say that “my heart” really has a certain ring to it.)
- princesse (This is not to be confused with the possessive “MA princesse”, as I don’t intend to be anyone’s princess for as long as I can help it. It implies a certain sappy dependency that I find cringeworthy.)
- cherie (Harmless. But again, not to be confused with the possessive “ma cherie”, which I have decided that I dislike for no good reason)=
French pet names I don’t like
- mon amour (A man needs to EARN the right to call me this.)
- mon ange (Ugh. Hate it hate it hate it. Someone who calls me his angel must surely be cheating on me.)
- ma biche/bichette (Firstly, I’m no doe. Secondly, it sounds too much like “bitch”.)
- ma puce (Who wants to be called a flea??)
- mon petit chou (Everyone knows that cabbage is evil.)
There are some contradictory overlaps between this french list and the following english list. I know. But I don’t care. I told you that this was going to be arbitrary.
English pet names I like:
- beautiful (It makes me feel beautiful.)
- gorgeous (It makes me feel gorgeous.)
- my lady/milady (It makes me feel like a genteel lady.)
- sugar (Those of you who follow me on Twitter know that this one, said with a southern drawl, melts me on the spot.)
- babe (I am indeed a total babe!)
- my love (Nobody has ever actually called me this except some Irish women in a totally platonic way, but I don’t think that I’d mind of a man were to call me that.)
- honeybunch (Come on, it makes me laugh! I can’t help it)
English pet names I don’t like:
- my beauty (That’s what you call your car.)
- honey (Sticky. Icky.)
- baby (Think about it. It’s creepy!)
- baby girl (Creepier.)
- babycakes (Ew.)
- woman (This is fun as a joke, but call me this seriously, and I will likely hurt you.)
- slut (Do I even need to explain this one?)
- dear/my dear (This sounds patronizing. In a great-aunt kind of way.)
And thus I now (abruptly) conclude my random post about pet names because snack time absolutely cannot wait.
What about you all? This topic is clearly subjective. Feel free to discuss your feelings about pet names in the comments section below. Bust my balls if you want. I’m feeling feisty today!