Seven years ago, I basically abandoned my blog because I couldn’t figure out how to live my life and blog/tweet at the same time. Back then, I wasn’t hip to Instagram (I’m still not), and it was an era before the proliferation of dating apps like Coffee Meets Bagel, Bumble, and the like. I was enjoying being in my twenties and bopping around with the man whom I would eventually marry. I just didn’t feel any of the rage, disdain, frustration, and bitterness that defined and fueled my Manshopping blog. Honestly, looking back at that time, all that negativity wasn’t really justified; being single and carefree (ahem, mildly delusional), I think I was just bored.
I’ve grown up since I met my husband:
- I’m in my thirties now. I won’t tell you how deep into my thirties. You’ll just have to wait until I tell you that I’m in my forties if you really want to know how old I am.
- I think that I’m probably a lot nicer (thank you, husband, for that).
- I’m a widow.
I’m still young in the grand scheme of things, but trying to negotiate grief and adulting on a daily basis is hard enough without adding dating into the mix. However, despite all the excuses I try to make, as time passes, the grief lessens a little, and the loneliness increases a little. So, one night, I took the plunge.
I guzzled half of a bottle of wine and downloaded my first dating app: Bumble.
And instead of drunkenly filling out my profile and dipping my toe back in the (online) dating pool, I somehow found myself putting on a Netflix documentary series about Ted Bundy, which, in retrospect, really was a poor choice for someone trying to muster up the alcohol-infused courage to date again.
I ended up falling asleep on the couch before I could set up a Bumble profile.
So. That didn’t exactly go according to plan.
However, in retrospect, I didn’t really have a good plan. What could I possibly say in my dating profile that could accurately describe me but also not make a man run for the hills? If I was going to be 100% truthful and transparent, my profile would read:
I have a passion for a sport in which you work your ass off to climb a thing, only to come right back down again. I also like legos, jigsaw puzzles, and indie video games. I’m always covered in dog hair because I’m a crazy dog lady whose only regular human-ish conversation is with Amazon’s Alexa. Oh yeah, I’m also a widow, so may spontaneously burst into tears on occasion.
At least Ted Bundy saved the online dating world from THAT.