Tag Archives: insomniac club

Ms. Scorned Woman

I have recently teamed up with Alex of the Urban DaterAV FloxFeisty WomanJess DowneyKB in NYCLenaLucky GirlMike MastersMiss Melisa MaeNikki BSimone GrantMiss Taylor CastTotally Tyler, and Jackie Summers in virtual project that has been dubbed the #InsomniaClub.

From now on, once a month, we will take one question, theme or prompt and post our thoughts on it.  Follow the hashtag on twitter to get different points of view, receive some advice, join in the debate, or just for chuckles.

I’ll be honest with you, you’re very unlikely to find much useful insight from me, but I can guarantee some rambling, some borderline-offensive generalizations about parisians, some self-deprecation, some ranting, and maybe some original drawings if I fancy it.

You know, my usual stuff.

But for those of you who stumble upon my blog but are looking for some substance, I am happy to say that I can now refer you to the club members above!

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This month’s topic is a hypothetical situation in which one discovers that one’s significant other keeps an active profile on an online dating site.

Well, if I were seeing him casually, I’d probably let it go.  If I were in a serious relationship, I’d take it as a sign that I should get out of said relationship.  Anything in between, I can’t say that I’ve even the foggiest idea about my reaction.  If he were French, I’d…  HAHAHA… Man-shopper?  Dating a Frenchman?  <insert cynical laughter here>

In any case, these responses contribute nothing to the debate on the topic.

Frankly, I don’t really know what I would do, but I have a few thoughts about what I could do, which is ultimately much more interesting.

  • I could punch him in the nuts.

  • I could put dog poop in his shoes.
  • I could dognap his dog.  I love dogs.
  • I could drug him and tattoo RAT BASTARD on his ass.
  • I could call his mother and tell on him.
  • I could smash up his computer and then leave the “X” key in his bed in true Godfather style.

The possibilities are endless.

What do you think of the following series of events?

  1. I call up a computer geek friend.
  2. Geekster and I hack into his account.
  3. I replace his profile with something of my own creation.

What would I put in his dating profile?  Obviously, it would have to be something to sabotage his chances of success.

This is when I pull out…

… THE LIST.

The list of things that my friend, Ryan (the Wandering Menace), has forbidden me from talking about on a first date — the things that she assures me will likely cause the guy to back away slowly or, in the extreme case, to run for the hills.

Of course, I will share this list with you because I have no shame.

  • schrodinger’s equations
  • my dad’s gun collection
  • vintage video games
  • vintage computer games
  • star trek
  • vomiting
  • sock monogamy
  • crosswording
  • scrabble
  • the 3 M’s: menstruation, mucus, and Mythbusters

Ryan may have a point.

P.S.   I told you so.  See?  Rambling.  About nothing in particular.

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