Tag Archives: married guys

Ms. Unsatisfied Customer

So it’s been slow on the online dating front for the past couple of weeks.  Why, you ask?  The answer is simple.  The man-products been consistently of inferior quality.

Here are the kind of man-products that I’ve been turning down lately…

the young and the restless

I don’t date 20-year-olds when they spend more time on their hair than I do on mine.  It’s kind of      <— unacceptable.

I also don’t date 20-year-olds when they profess to weigh 55 kilos and look like a 12-year-old Pee —>     Wee Herman.

And I don’t date 20-year-olds who admit to loving banana cocktails (gag) and show off their bloody wedding ring in their profile pictures!

<— Seriously?  Moron.

And how the hell is HE married already??  He’s barely finished puberty.

In short, I don’t date 20-year-olds.

the crybabies

These guys were hot.  HOT, I tell you!

But damn, were they stupid.

It turns out that when I don’t check my email every 5 seconds and respond immediately, they turn into diva-crybaby extraordinaires.

Let’s take a look at Exhibit A.  Brazilian guy with gorgeous green eyes BUT…

sent at 10:37:23

sent at 10:37:57

sent at 10:38:05

Manly, no?

If you thought that was bad, I was having vivid fantasies about this Colombian casanova until THIS happened…  Hello, Exhibit B:

sent at 14:05:55

sent at 14:33:02

(and for the record, if bad spelling in English isn’t bad enough, it’s even worse when their spelling in French makes me cringe.  It’s “bisous,” dammit.  Spell it correctly, fool!)

the deal-breaker

I saved him for last because he is the reason why I’ve decided to set aside online dating for a few days.

This picture to the right was accompanied by a message that said, “I just wanted to show you my large appetite for Asian food.  Imagine what that means for you.”

Yeah.

That’s not creepy at all.

in conclusion…

Therefore, there is a temporary moratorium on man-products from adopteunmec.com.  Maybe next week will bring in a new shipment of more eligible men.

Emphasis on the “men” bit.

Well, I do have two appointments at the Apple Store coming up, which means that I can’t wait to go prowling for a boyfriend there!

So… NEXT!

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